I believe most people would be surprised to know that I am a timid person when it comes to taking risks. I also think most people would not believe me when I say it takes me a long time to finally come to a decision. Seeing as by the time I am announcing that decision it has already been made. Most people are not lucky (sarcasm) enough to experience the countless hours of back and forth in my brain and to my husband. I believe one of the quotes from a dear friend was “you do the craziest things.” It seems that way sometimes.
I relate this trip to cliff diving and sky diving. Both instances, it is an idea I LOVE. I am one of those people that if you ask me to join you, I am all in. Then I get to the top of the cliff, or the open door of the airplane. When you look out below, things seem so much further away than they did when you were on the ground below. Panic sets in and people start pulling the whole “Let’s go on the count of 3.” Of course when they get to three, they just have to keep counting or start over again because I never go on the first or second count down.
This may all seem normal. First time go arounds, of COURSE you are going to be nervous jumping to an uncertainty. But, I have been sky diving more than once. AND, cliff diving, I will jump multiple times each trip to the waterfalls. As soon as I hit water I am ready to climb up and go again. Back to where I inevitable freeze up and look at the abyss below and freak out.
Well yesterday I was at that cliff all day. Heart pounding, nerves wrecked, thinking WHAT AM I DOING? Now, P.J. wants to make sure I clarify that I am not scared for my safety, more scared of the unknown of what is next. I am leaving my husband and cat who I spend most days with and I do not have a job to come back to… staring at an abyss below.
So P.J. may have had to count to three a few times before I got in the security line at SFO and made that final jump.